The crowds were cheering, the sky was blue and clouds were floating by. As I found my seat in the high box over looking the arena.  How many times had I sat here? The memories came in like flood. An old wound began to throb as panic and bile rose in my throat.  I shut them down. NO and pushed them aside focusing on happier thoughts.

 I had been happy tending the children in the village on the outskirts of town. The knights I worked with were kind and did well by their families. My heart was starting to heal I didn't need any more pain. I could just walk away and enter into a quiet life happily serving like many others.  No one need know who I am.

Yet here I was. I had sat here one to many times. In the arena below horses snorted and shook their heads feet stomping nostrils flared. knights nervously checked themselves. THe rattle armor, the shouts of men. A horse reared and more men came to its aide. Children laughed and talked and giggled.  I could feel my stomach rolling again, terror rising up I pushed it down and took a deep breathe.  Maybe a walk. There had been a garden ...somewhere...I had time I was 45 minutes early yet I felt anxious like I was about to miss somthing.

The trees and the flowers they calmed my nerves. I took a deep breathe and just walked.  Suddenly there was a man, lieing on his back twirling a leaf looking up at the sky.  He wasn't dressed for the tournament. so it was hard to say who he was or why he was there.  I walked by, forcing myself to look in his eyes and smile and nod.  His blue eyes caught mine and held them for a second then he was lost back in his thoughts and the leaf and I walked on in relief.  A little more confident.

Back to my seat.  I could do this.  IT was a jousting tournament to win the hand of the princess and the High King had called me here.  The men would run out and they had to do a series of feats to win the hand of the maiden. Only they were not allowed to know who the princess was. Although often the princess would know.  Countless times I had sat there and watched ...and been overlooked.  Countless times I thought I had been told this time is your time, this is the one.  Only to find out that I was really to be learning something else. My friends had been caught up and whisked away but never me.

Then I saw him. The man with the leaf. He was tall and proud. But there was something about him.  I watched him sit upon his horse like a gentle giant. still twirling a leaf looking around.  I wondered whose heart he rode for. And then the High King called me to stand.  I looked up at him not knowing what was going on and in the next second I felt an arm around my waist and before I could scream the man had lifted me up onto the back of his horse and we were off.

It was a breathe taking ride. I barely had time to notice that it was the man with the twirling leaf. Later I found out his name was Sir Lockhart. His story is long and great and arduous. And I loved his adventure and him.  I would find him in the stables and throw myself into his arms.  I knew it wasn't time yet. That the proper course had not been run, but he had won my heart and my heart was completey his.  Although I held back to some measure but only on to the barest.

My head kept trying to slow me down to think. But at each tournament there was nothing I could see but him. I even stopped listening to the High King so focused was I on the knight. If my heart had not been so enraptured, so enamored, so in love...But no I don't regret any of it.

Except I didn't listen to the High King. I wish I would have been a little slower taken my time. maybe I would have seen the signs. But he had started to back off to. Oh there is so much to the story to tell but I only have a moment to write down this part of the tale. You see the tournament to win a bride can take months and sometimes years. I was supposed to be one who took months...not years.
 But as the year came to an end something was not right. The High kind had not given his blessing that this was what was to happen.  Oh there are so many more details to this too but to skip them all...
Well the next thing I knew I was pulled away from the knight. We were each being sent on seperate quests. Only I kept looking back kept thinking about him and his quest and where he was. And finally the King Said NO MORE.

You must focus on the mission set before you. or you will destroy the knight and yourself. SO with tears in my eyes I smashed the mirror and  a devestating hole was left behind.  Trapped in a new world. A million miles from the cheering crowds.  I let my love go, lost in a jail filled with dark souls.  A single light to burn.  Lord help him on his journey.
 Amen.  Someday when I have time hopefully I can make this make sense!!