To step back into one's old life after having been part of a new life feels a little crazy and a little insane. I find that I don't have the energy to meet and see everyone I once did all at once. I have to hold back and take my time. I am so happy to meet them, but at the same time my heart races and I have to catch my breathe even with old friends and even family like there has been a time warp and my mind is swirling and I see them smiling and hugging but a part of me holds back in a bit of a panic is this real? Was that real? How can they both be real? Who are you and who am I and how are we here? And in the moment of greeting I think they think I have lost the joy ...am not happy to see them, but I am! Overjoyed in fact! But my face is to slow to react and I stand their smiling and hugged speaking but not sure of what is coming from my mouth hearing what is spoken and hoping I am responding appropriately ...want to laugh and smile and hug and cry all at once but managing a dazed and confused look that is misinterpreted as indifference when really its just screaming WAIT. HOLD ON WORLD I need to catch up, but it just keeps buzzing on and by.
I need a person or people to simply sit with me and then slowly ask me questions don't jump to this and that and keep moving like a ray of light but just be with me. When I start to talk can you askme more? Because before you asked I didn't know to think that way. and I want to complete that thought but now you've added in and moved on with chagrin to the next two minute topic ... catch my heart?
Where is my heart.
Yep there it is, safe and sound within the bounds of HIs hands. Maybe thats the truth its feels the same for them but since I have stepped back in I come right on in stride into their world where as my world is slowing spinning back around not on dry ground. They catch the weird off kilter tip of our worlds colliding but its just with me so they can quickly move on by and I will catch up....
But how gracious my God is because there are a few who take the time out of their lives to selflessy sit with me and look into my eyes and ask how I am and not rush on by to their next thing. They let me ramble on and come undone and help me up again. And they do the same for me, they talk out their days that slipped away on their differing rivers of life. We share our thoughts and our insights. The ideas that are perculating the wisdom we are hopefully gaining...
And its ok. I need those who are fast and I need those who can go slow. But mostly I need to remember God is in control. It doesn't have to make sense to me because He is truly taking care of it all.
I need a person or people to simply sit with me and then slowly ask me questions don't jump to this and that and keep moving like a ray of light but just be with me. When I start to talk can you askme more? Because before you asked I didn't know to think that way. and I want to complete that thought but now you've added in and moved on with chagrin to the next two minute topic ... catch my heart?
Where is my heart.
Yep there it is, safe and sound within the bounds of HIs hands. Maybe thats the truth its feels the same for them but since I have stepped back in I come right on in stride into their world where as my world is slowing spinning back around not on dry ground. They catch the weird off kilter tip of our worlds colliding but its just with me so they can quickly move on by and I will catch up....
But how gracious my God is because there are a few who take the time out of their lives to selflessy sit with me and look into my eyes and ask how I am and not rush on by to their next thing. They let me ramble on and come undone and help me up again. And they do the same for me, they talk out their days that slipped away on their differing rivers of life. We share our thoughts and our insights. The ideas that are perculating the wisdom we are hopefully gaining...
And its ok. I need those who are fast and I need those who can go slow. But mostly I need to remember God is in control. It doesn't have to make sense to me because He is truly taking care of it all.
